I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
