They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize