If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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