I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
