I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Your cock deserves a montage
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
