I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
