I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize