i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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