Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
