ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
