Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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