She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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