i jhust puked up my retainher.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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