I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
