'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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