i permit you to call me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we should paint friendship bongs
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