My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
