she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ladies don't puke and tell
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
