he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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