it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
