Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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