Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
