all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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