It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
