i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
