I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
