everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
