Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
