I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
