I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize