He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
