how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
