I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Less talking, more tequila
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
