I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
