I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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