so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
