I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize