The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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