Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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