I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
