Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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