DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
