it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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