I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
