He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
