video games are the ultimate cock blocker
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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