We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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