If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
