Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm just crazy horny about you
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
