the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
