Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
