y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
