If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
