Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
