Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
