my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
