youre lurking in front of me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
