he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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