i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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