I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
