Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
