I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
