I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
