You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
