Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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