ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
