i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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