so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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