Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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