ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
