I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
