I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i will never coherently bang her
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
