why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
