i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
