i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
