Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
