So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
