Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
