Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
