I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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