The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
