I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
