2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
