Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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