that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
