If i come over, it means nothing
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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