Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
