Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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