i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
accomplished twins. life is a go
can u get pink eye on your cock?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize