Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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