3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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