life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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