i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
