My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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