Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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