just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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