It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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