is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
