We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
