if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
