Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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