My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So vagazzling was a success
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
