yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
not ubering you a puppy
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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