omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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