woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
