I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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