at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
