you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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