he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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