I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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