This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
