i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
