I just saw a hot homeless man
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
