We're facebook friends in real life
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
