So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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