If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
