i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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