I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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