So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
