Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
