get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
