hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
