This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
