He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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