i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
