Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
