btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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